Minaya Vows to Solve Pitching Woes, Signs Light-Hitting Catcher

So the Mets began to unlock the puzzle of their 2007 Hindenberg job this off-season, starting off with an impact move that will solve the production problems at the catcher's spot. LoDuca's diminishing production (.272/9HR/54RBI in 445 ABs) will be replaced by 29 year old Yorvit Torrealba (.255/8HR/47RBI in 396 ABs). Obviously this is only Minaya's first off-season move, and he's already stated that he'll be pursuing a front-line starting pitcher for next season, but I think the real issue here is where all these squat, jowly Latino catchers coming from? And who shapes their whisper-thin goatees for them? Consider our new catching battery:



And juxtapose those lovely mugs with pictures of all 3 Molina brothers, Henry Blanco, Einar Diaz, Johnny Estrada, Ramon Hernandez, Dioner Navarro, Miguel Olivo, Humberto Quintero, Guillermo Quiroz, and Javier Valentin, and you might as well be rolling these guys off an assembly line. They're all between 5'9" and 6', weight between 200 and 225 pounds, and hit around .265 with moderate power. I expect a lab to be uncovered somewhere in Venezuela with plump hispanic catchers suspended in liquid chambers and vials marked "Ivan Rodriguez DNA" lining the walls.