Rescinded!

So this past weekend was a flurry of activity. The Mets apparently balked at a shoulder injury Torrealba sustained while lifting weights before last season (yeah, that's what it was) and withdrew their offer. You'd think they'd have worked out these kinds of defects at the lab, but I guess we'll have to wait for the '09 model of stout hispanic catcher.

In other news, the Mets were apparently in talks with Cardinal shortstop David Eckstein to play second base. I cannot express how furious I was at hearing this. To put this in context, here is a list of the top 5 things I would do with a time machine that I sent to my brother after the 2006 NLCS:

1) Take a dump in David Eckstein's 10th birthday cake
2) Drink champagne out of the 1994 Stanley Cup
3) Save Lincoln or kill Hitler or something.
4) Stop Biff from building a gambling empire
5) Write "Separate Ways", sell to Steve Perry, make millions and be a legend for the rest of my life.

The number one thing I would've done with a time machine was make a 10 year old David Eckstein (probably) cry and (hopefully) eat a mouthful of my feces. He's not even the kind of guy you hate until he's on your team. He's just the kind of guy you hate. Not in a T.O. "what a cocky bastard" way or in a Todd Bertuzzi "if it weren't for hockey he'd be mugging people behind a Sears" sort of way, but because he's the little guy you grew up with who never believed he was little. Some people might find that inspiring, I find it enraging. You're 5'4", know your place and stop being better than me at basketball. Luckily we didn't sign him, but instead used our interest as a bargaining chip to leverage a 32 year old Luis Castillo who couldn't walk at the end of last season into accepting a way-above-market-value 4 year deal at over 6 million per. Way to go Omar.

Minaya Vows to Solve Pitching Woes, Signs Light-Hitting Catcher

So the Mets began to unlock the puzzle of their 2007 Hindenberg job this off-season, starting off with an impact move that will solve the production problems at the catcher's spot. LoDuca's diminishing production (.272/9HR/54RBI in 445 ABs) will be replaced by 29 year old Yorvit Torrealba (.255/8HR/47RBI in 396 ABs). Obviously this is only Minaya's first off-season move, and he's already stated that he'll be pursuing a front-line starting pitcher for next season, but I think the real issue here is where all these squat, jowly Latino catchers coming from? And who shapes their whisper-thin goatees for them? Consider our new catching battery:



And juxtapose those lovely mugs with pictures of all 3 Molina brothers, Henry Blanco, Einar Diaz, Johnny Estrada, Ramon Hernandez, Dioner Navarro, Miguel Olivo, Humberto Quintero, Guillermo Quiroz, and Javier Valentin, and you might as well be rolling these guys off an assembly line. They're all between 5'9" and 6', weight between 200 and 225 pounds, and hit around .265 with moderate power. I expect a lab to be uncovered somewhere in Venezuela with plump hispanic catchers suspended in liquid chambers and vials marked "Ivan Rodriguez DNA" lining the walls.